So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Couch. On fire.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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