so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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