Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
