Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
