Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
