I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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