During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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