He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
