hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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