I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
