I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
