Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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