Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
