I'm laying in your front yard are you home
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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