i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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