feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
