it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
