Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found your dick twin last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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