i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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