my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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