yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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