Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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