Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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