Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
