Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
