Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
