"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Mom said you looked used
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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