1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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