Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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