You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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