I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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