Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize