I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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