I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she told me i tasted like america
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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