put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need water and some morals
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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