i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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