I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm at about main and main street
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
