i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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