I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
