i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize