eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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