i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
