i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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