the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
