I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
