it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
