I love black thongs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
