i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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