if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
