five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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