i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
