i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize