watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize