i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
