feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
