Your face is a jimmy john
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
