I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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