My Higher Power is John Stamos
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
