Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
nut hugger
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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