I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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