margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
