Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
